Navel Gazing and Other Hysterics


This past week or so has been the most frustrating of my life.

Friday – 3:30, driving kids home from school, thinking about dinner. 4:30 texting my husband from the bathroom floor because my wretching sounds are freaking the kids out and I cannot get up. Violent illness continues for 12 more hours where upon my body expels liquid every 15 minutes by any means possible. I lose 8lbs. I also manage to pass out on one of the return trips from the bathroom and wreck my knee and elbow. I’m trying to be grateful it wasn’t my face.

Saturday – Willa’s 6th birthday. All plans are cancelled as I can barely stand.

Sunday – Still really weak, have only gained 1lb back. My Mom leaves for Atlanta – bye-bye backup. Just after bedtime are awakened by Redding who has thrown up in his bed. It looks like a horror movie. Josh cleans boy, I clean bed while trying not to vomit myself. I sleep in Redding’s bed with him to catch vomit every 15 minutes til morning.

Monday – tired. So, so, tired. Also, snow day.

Tuesday – also a snow day. Willa starts throwing up. I spent Tuesday night on the couch with her.

Wednesday – Willa and Redding home from school due to 2 hr delay plus barfing. Josh comes home at noon sick. Plumber guy comes to replace hot water heater. Water is turned off all afternoon. Awesome, it’s not like anyone is puking or anything. I spend another night on the couch so as not to disturb sick husband while dealing with sick children.

Thursday – Josh and Willa still sick. Redding is getting cabin fever. I’ve never been so tired in my life.

Friday – Josh is home sick but I take the kids to school because I need a break. Willa’s teacher calls to say that Willa isn’t feeling well. I’m a bad mom and decide that since she isn’t puking she can tough it out for a couple of hours. Redding throws up again in the night.

Saturday – both kids throwing up again.

Sunday – Willa throws up all morning. Josh leaves for NYC. He says that he feels bad for leaving us but I don’t believe him, not because he lies, but because I wouldn’t feel bad leaving, I’d be running for the hills if I had the chance.

Monday – I decide I want to be super ninja wife and totally rearrange and clean the entire house while Josh is gone. I clean out two closets. Bag up mountains of stuff for the salvation army. Move a bunch of furniture around. House looks awesome. I’m going to clean out the pantry. Oh, a can a bread crumbs, how do you get rid of those? Put them down the garbage disposal? I did. You shouldn’t. What will happen is that your sink will clog and your garbage disposal will erupt gross water/italian bread crumb sludge all over your kitchen. You will get to clean it up without the use of a kitchen sink. Then your Dad won’t be able to get the drain open so you will have to call a plumber. This is also the first day of my first semester of my MA program. Nerves.

Tuesday – My kids go to school and my Mom has them for the afternoon. My one day to focus and write and do school work is spent returning things to Target and waiting for a plumber to come make fun of me for breaking the drain.

Wednesday – I break the garage door because I wasn’t paying attention. I trap myself in and can’t get Redding from preschool. Lots of tearful and embarrassing phone calls. My dad is able to come help me and I’m only 30 minutes late picking up Redding, but the door is broken beyond repair. Awesome.

So… I need a nap. And, I’ve gained at least 6 of those 8lbs back stress eating. And, I’ve learned that when I’m stressed the first thing to go is hygiene, and then patience, and I need to work on that. But reading this over, I realize that it’s all a bunch of whining, and I’m sorry, but I also realize I’m a lucky lady if this is the most stressful my life gets. I can handle a little puke and some teasing from a plumber.

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