Yesterday, I registered Willa for kindergarten, and sobbed the whole way home.
It was unexpected. We’ve been talking about kindergarten for about six months. She’s excited to go to school all day (while her brother has to take a nap), and get to eat lunch at school (while her brother has to eat at home). She’s a bright little bugger and she’s ready for the challenge. I thought I was too. She doesn’t need to rest in the afternoon and it’s getting harder and harder to keep her busy and out of my hair and we are very much looking forward to no longer paying for preschool!
But it didn’t hit me til I was reading the registration literature about bus pick up, and cafeteria lunches. My baby on a bus? Everyday? Is she big enough to carry a cafeteria tray? I am not ready to make the decision about whether she is going to buy or bring! I’m just not!
As the school secretary led me down the bright, wide hallway to the kindergarten teacher, she turned and asked: “Is this your first going to school.” I said “yes” but I wanted to ask if it was so obvious? She then said “we have lots of tissues.” I nearly fell over. That’s not me, I’m not the crying Mom, right? She proceeded to tell me how she’s been working at that school forever, and how her kids went there, and what a great school it is, while I silently tried to get it under control.
It’s not that I don’t feel good about her going. It’s a good school. She’s ready. It’s just that I’m not. Because, in my mind, this is what she looks like:
She only came flying out of my body yesterday, how is it possible that she’d going to kindergarten already? They grow up so fast. I won’t drown you in cliches here and tell you to cherish every moment, cause honestly, some of those moments suck. But maybe with time they’ll be funny instead of infuriating. But for now, I’m thankful she still needs me sometimes, that snuggles with Mama are one of her favourites, and she still would rather hang out with me that do just about anything else.
Until the first day of school that is, and then she wants to go.