My Heart Outside My Body
Today my littlest baby turns three. We celebrated his birthday on Saturday, and had the greatest time. He’s just such a little joyful fellow. He was so excited about his party – he said to my Aunt and Grandmother at dinner on Friday “You have to come to my party!” He was just so excited to have his own thing. It was adorable. He’s a laid back guy, he didn’t care about what kind of cake he had, or what color it was, or what kind of party he had. He didn’t even really care that he was going to get presents – he just wanted to have fun. I wish I was that easy to please.
It’s been a rough month. A couple of weeks ago I had to register Willa for kindergarten, and now Redding is three. They are terrific kids, and it is wonderful to watch them grow, and while I certainly do not want to savor every moment (like the last week of mornings when Redding has decided he needs to get up before 7, and starts screaming bloody murder) but when we keep hitting these benchmarks it can feel like it is all going by a little too fast.
How can it be both fast and slow at the same time?
Now that he’s three, it’s really fun to watch his little personality emerge. He’s the class clown. He holds court in a group and wants to make everyone laugh. He’s easy going and sweet. He’s my cuddler. He’s curious and asks so many questions. He’s always been my “easy baby” I wasn’t nearly as sick when I was pregnant with him as with Willa. And although he didn’t want to come out and I had to struggle with him (I was induced cause they were afraid he was going to be a 10lbs cannonball) while his sister was in a big hurry and was an easy labor, from that moment he popped out, he’s been a joy. A good eater, a good sleeper, he knows how to play on his own, and he’s not afraid of anything. (except monkey cakes.)
Right now, all he wants to be is a truck driver. Anything with trucks, any kind of trucks. (When he backs up he makes a beeping sound, and when he stops he makes a whoosh sound like air brakes.) but we know he could be anything he wants.
When I was pregnant with Redding I didn’t know if I could love another baby as much as I loved Willa. I thought my heart was already full. I thought it might be already taken. I worried that I wouldn’t be a good Mom to him. My worries were in vain. When all 8lbs 6 oz and 21 inches of him popped out, I was in love all over.
Before I was a parent, I didn’t understand parental love. I’d loved things, people. I loved my husband. But this is different. I called this post “My Heart Outside My Body” because in a lot of ways having a child is like having a piece of your body walking around outside of you. Willa and Redding are as essential to my life as my own heart. But, they are also more precious. My heart isn’t dear enough to truly be an adequate metaphor for my love for them. I would sacrifice my body, or my heart for them, but I would never sacrifice them.
Happy Birthday, Big Man. I love you more than I’m able to express in words. Someday, when you have your own babies, you’ll understand.